Tuesday, January 22, 2008 the sin of defiance part II :

okay, this post is dedicated to tobi again. yes, its the sin of defiance part 2. BUT u will have to read through my rant first. and i mean READ. if not u will DIE a fucking terrible death, cos im damn buay song now. seriously. okay. eh... i think im doin 1A a favour here. cos im really gonna KILL the bloody damn OM.

here's wad happened - we didnt know our eng cher didnt come today. so we were like... waiting for her to come. den after that our chairman found out that cher didnt come, so we go canteen. chairman ask us bring story book go there read. we reach there, the bloody effing woman ask us bring our eng text book saying that we need do dunno wad shit. so, we go back class. den we take book liao rite? so we go back canteen. on the way the fucking god damn bell ring. the freaking OM was standing there den ask us y we so slow till waste one period. he scolded the chair and vice chair man den shout at us like nobody bisnuess (dunno how spell, heck care) so like damn wad lor. den he ask the secretary to write our WHOLE CLASS de name in minor offence file say that we late - miss one period. LIKE WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK LAR?! NOT OUR FAULT LOR! THEN THE NAH BEH WOMAN NEVER SPEAK UP FOR US! WALAU EH! GO BACK CLASSROOM TAKE ONE EFFING BOOK NIA JIU TIO MINOR OFFENCE! PLEASE LAR! SI OM, GO FIND SOME FREAKING COMMON SENCE AND STICK IT IN UR BRAIN SIA! OH YEAH, I FORGOT, U DONT HAVE A FREAKING JACKASS BRAIN! NAH BEH LAR! SI JI BAI! FUCKING KILL U DEN U KNOW ARH! SUE U TILL UR PANTS DROP ARHSSS!! GO DIE LAR! TA MA DE! SI AH PEK! GO HOME DRINK MILK AND SCREW UR MOTHER LAR! FUCKING SON OF A BITCH!


okay. done .... a little more... happy now.... yay (:

since im so "kind" (kns) i will post part 2 now... enjoy. oh right, this one... uh... heavy yaoi. really. dont read if u hate yaoi. cos u will... uh... vomit (:

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“Light-kun?”

“Yes, Ryuzaki?” Light answered tiredly.

“Did my confession make you feel uncomfortable? Would you rather I hadn’t admitted that I once had feelings for you, or… well, at least, the person that you were…?”

“No, it’s…” Light sighed heavily, running his fingers through his auburn hair. “It’s alright, Ryuzaki. Actually, I’m glad you did, because… it makes a lot of things easier for me. There are things I meant to confess, and probably wouldn’t have, but now that you… That is, I just… I wasn’t going to…”

He trailed off and sighed frustratedly, pausing to cast a glance in L’s direction; and truthfully, despite the fact that he was chained to the bed and destined to die that night, the detective looked much the same as he always did – intensely dark eyes, the visible intelligence betrayed by the absent-minded expression on his incurably pale face. Sure, he’d seem L smile, and he’d seen L angry, but mostly, L looked like this, and-

Light thrust himself forward and blindly kissed L. L didn’t protest, but neither did he respond – he lay there on the bed, unable to push Light away, but making no effort to anyway.

Eventually, feeling no response, Light pulled backwards, pushing his hair aside.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, looking away.

“You drugged me, chained me to the bed and tried to strangle me,” L replied flatly, “and now you’re apologizing for a kiss?”

Light was quiet for a while.

“Is that all you can say?” he asked finally, his voice very soft.

“What would you like me to say, Light-kun?”

“Oh god…” Light wiped at his mouth with the cuff of his shirt sleeve. “Ryuzaki, I had… I had no idea you… I thought it was just… just me, and I didn’t say anything because… well, because you’re the lead detective, and because you suspected me, and because you’re older than me, and because… well, damn it, because you thought I was Kira and you were right and I needed you dead…!”

“Light-kun…” L smiled faintly. “This is very unfortunate. Though I admit I never voiced my feelings to you for many of the same reasons, and perhaps it is better that neither of us acted upon our feelings. It could have compromised the case.”

“Is that all you care about?!” Light snapped testily.

“That’s ironic coming from Kira. The only reason we’re both here right now is because you’re going to silence my suspicions once and for all, to protect yourself and Amane-san. Although, if that is what you want to hear, Light-kun… Yes, the case is more important to me. I was brought in as L to find Kira, and now I have found him. My personal feelings towards Kira are irrelevant.”

“So if I was to spare you, in exchange for your silence…?”

L smirked.

“Of course I would betray you, Light-kun. You know that.”

Light glared blazingly at him, noticing what was left unsaid.

“You’re an idiot, Ryuzaki.” he leaned down towards the detective, placing his hands on either side of his head where it lay on the pillows of the bed. “Don’t you think this is difficult for me? It’s not that I want to kill you, it’s simply a necessity, because I can’t trust you not to expose Misa and I as the First and Second Kiras. In many ways, I wish I didn’t have to kill you. Yes, I hate you, but I only hate you because you’re trying to catch me. But the other part of me… I respect you, in many ways I think you’re my first ever friend too, and yes, I think I may love you, Ryuzaki. It seems insane to me to love the person intent on nothing else but exposing me as a murderer, but I…”

“I trust this appeal to me has a direction?” L asked as Light’s words died off. His cold expression remained unchanged even when he saw the glimmer of tears pool in Light’s brown eyes – maybe they were real, but then again, that boy should have received an Oscar by now…

“How can you be so arrogant?!” Light cried angrily, grabbing L’s shoulders. “All you care about is catching Kira yourself, like you vowed to do; your pride won’t let you back away, even when you’re about to lose your life! Would you really rather die than agree not to expose me as Kira?”

“Light-kun,” L hissed up at him, “I took special interest in this case because I knew it would be almost impossible to catch you. I believed I could do it, and now that I have found you, do you really think I would agree to protect you? Yes, Kira – I would rather die tonight. That is all I will say to you on the matter. If you have summoned the courage, by all means, do it now.”

“Still you defy me,” Light said absently, gripping L’s shoulders tighter. “You’re stupider than I thought.”

“No, Light-kun.” L shook his head. “Think of me what you will, given my choice, but I refuse to cower before you. If my death at your hand is the only way for justice to be served, then so be it. I don’t desire death, but it is preferable to the preservation of the one I swore I would destroy.”

“Even if you once loved him?”

L looked away from him.

“Justice is more important/”

Light smiled oddly.

“I am Justice.”

L gave a little shudder.

“Please don’t call yourself that, Light-kun. It disgusts me.”

Light laughed dismissively, at which L looked back at him with a small frown. He suspected that the stress of attempting to prepare himself to kill in cold blood with his own hands was getting to Light, since his mood and personality were becoming increasingly inconsistent. One moment he was declaring himself Kira and Justice and God, and belittling L for his views and for being the one to have been captured; the next he was in tears, confessing his on secretly-wrapped feelings, even offering to bargain L’s life for his silence.

L actually found that rather interesting – it only proved the God-like power the Death Note could give. Light Yagami had no qualms about killing if he could do it from behind a desk and the mask that was Kira; but to be forced to do it himself unnerved him to the point that, if he had not already confessed, L might have lowered the percentage of his suspicion against him, since the boy was stalling his way through a rainbow of emotional turmoil in a fashion that was utterly devoid of Kira’s impassive confidence.

“Ryuzaki, I have another question.”

“Of course, Light-kun.”

“May I kiss you again?”

L blinked at Light; then averted his eyes towards the far wall.

“If you must,” he sighed quietly.

Light nodded; and this time climbed onto the bed, crawling over to L before straddling him and getting comfortable. L merely looked up at him with exactly the same deadpan expression, attempting to blow a little hair out of his eyes.

“Here,” Light reached out and brushed the offending spike of ebony hair away.

“Thank you, Light-kun.”

“You’re welcome.” Light placed his hands gently at L’s collarbone; he saw the detective flinch a little as they came to rest, since they were very near his throat. Already, against L’s skin, faint purple marks from Light’s fingers were beginning to show.

Ah, yes, L felt pain. At times it seemed impossible to believe he felt anything, but Light had proof now that he at least, if nothing else, felt pain.

And love, of course…

Light leaned down a second time, pressing his mouth against L’s; and for the second time, L averted his gaze and let him get on with it, not offering any participation or retaliation at all. But Light drew back after only a moment, and gave a sharp tug at a spike of L’s hair to make him look at him.

“Hey.”

“Yes?”

“Have you even considered kissing back?”

L looked blankly at him.

“No.”

“Is it something you might perhaps consider?”Still that vacant, wide-eyed expression…

“No.”

“Ryuzaki…” Light lowered himself right down so that he lay on top of L, moving his hands up to either side of his pallid face to draw them closer still. “…Will you please…? This is… there are no second chances after this. That was the choice you made.”

Light’s lips came to the detective’s again, crushing against them and bringing a little colour to them; but after a few moments, L actually turned his head away, breaking it off.

“I’m sorry, Light-kun,” he said quietly. “I don’t love you. I’m sorry.”

“Ryuzaki,” Light tightened his grip on L’s face, forcing him to look back at him again. “Look at me. No matter your logic, I am Light Yagami. Look at me. Who do you see, honestly?”

L looked at him passionlessly – in the same way he always did.

“I see Kira,” he said finally.

There was a terrible silence between them, during which they lay like that, perfectly close and perfectly motionless, scrutinizing each other intently, as though searching for one single weakness that would allow the other to emerge from this truth-drenched moment unbroken.

“Are you a virgin?” Light asked, finally shattering it; his voice was cold and uncompassionate.

“What does that matter to you?”

“Because this is the last you have defied me, Ryuzaki.” He reached up to flick at the chain, as though to remind L that was still there, and that he was still a prisoner. “Answer the question.”

“No, I’m not a virgin.”

Light smiled in real amusement.

“Yes you are, you lying little son-of-a-bitch.”

“I hardly see why it matters.”

“Oh, it does matter,” Light replied airily, beginning to loosen his tie, “because, after all, I am to be a god, and the gods were offered virgins, weren’t they?”

“Light-kun, I suggest you do not stray down this road,” L replied icily. “If you plan on killing me, then-“

“Shut up!” Light snapped, gagging the detective with his hand. “I’m sick to death of you! Don’t forget, I’ve chained you up. I can do whatever I want to you, Ryuzaki, and you can’t stop me. So stop giving me orders, because it’s really pissing the hell out of me, and the more you anger me, the worse it will be for you.”

Their eyes locked over Light’s hand; perhaps there was fear in L’s onyx orbs, but if so, it was greatly overpowered by the disgust and anger that was far more apparent.

“And don’t look at me like that,” Light hissed, his face coming so close to L’s that his brown hair brushed the detective’s forehead. “I suppose you think you’re far too superior to be humiliated like this, but that isn’t true at all. Being a world-renowned detective doesn’t elevate you above becoming a victim yourself, you know. Welcome to Earth, you arrogant bastard – your stay is going to be a short and painful one.”

Light’s other hand stroked the side of L’s face, brushing away the spikes of jet hair that framed it.

“And I think,” he whispered, “when I’m done with you, I’ll take your eyes; so that even in death, you can never look at me this way again.” He ran a fingernail very gently across the dark circle – the scar of insomnia – beneath L’s right eye, and then smiled. “I’ll give them to Ryuk as a present. He’d like that.”

For the very first time since L had awoken chained up like this, a form of disgusted shock registered in his expression. Light smiled to see it, slowly removing his hand from L’s mouth as he sat upright on him again.

“If you refuse to even return my kiss, I know you will never consent to this,” Light went on, pulling his crimson tie completely loose and slipping it out from beneath his shirt collar. “I cannot make you love what I have become, but I can make you submit to me.”

He leaned down again, just for a moment, so that he could speak against L’s colourless lips;

“I’m going to rape you, L; and it’s going to hurt, and I’m going to make you curse my name and beg for mercy and scream, because as Kira I loathe you and want to make you suffer. But it’s also going to feel good, because I still love you enough to want you purely for myself, and not because I want to hurt you; and it will humiliate you, because the almighty L will be reduced to the lower pleasures of the humanity he believes he is above. This, Ryuzaki, will be your punishment for your arrogance and your defiance of me, because no matter what you say, I have beaten you, and that gives me the right to judge and punish you as Kira. This, Ryuzaki…”

He leaned back, looking down at the speechless detective with what he believed to be the eyes of a god; and then slapped his face again, because truly, didn’t the bastard need to know that he had lost…?

“…This is Justice,” Light finished in a low, delighted hiss. He touched L’s bruised throat, making him shudder. “I wonder… what does your scream sound like…?”

L swallowed and looked intently at the wall.

“You won’t hear it, Light-kun.”

Light’s smile snapped off his face like glass.

“It is your defiance of me that has led things this way, Ryuzaki; do you think it wise to continue your campaign?”

“Light-kun,” L replied, sounding suddenly exhausted, his expression weary, “I will not bow to Kira. You know that. Do what you want to me. It doesn’t matter anymore, because you have already been defeated.”

“We’ll just see who’s been defeated, L…!” Light seethed. “And I will make you scream…”

L knew it was hopeless when Light simply adjusted his position slightly so that he was straddling his thighs, utterly restricting his legs; his arms were chained up tight and that left the rest of him extremely vulnerable and easily accessible.

So this was it; he couldn’t struggle and fight, and he had refused to scream, and that left him with simply endurance. It felt like a loss, and, in a lot of ways, it was; but if he was correct…

And of course he was. L was never wrong, after all.

It was a terrible price to pay; but still, better this than twelve more innocent FBI agents…

Perhaps, in Light Yagami’s fantasies, the great detective L looked down at him in lustful, adoring rapture when he began to unbutton his jeans; and so, in reality, L made a point of staring intently up at the plain white ceiling with the interest he usually only reserved for cake or Kira when Light began to pry the button open; wanting desperately to kick him away when he drew down the zip, but having absolutely no means of doing so.

“Have you imagined me doing these things to you?” Light breathed, tugging L’s jeans down to around mid-thigh.

“No, Light-kun. Even when I did love you, I had more important things to think about,” L answered expressionlessly.

Light looked up coldly.

“Such as how you were going to force everybody to believe that I was a murderer?”

“With good reason, don’t you think?”

“Well…” Light shrugged as he toyed with the waistband of L’s white shorts. “…You aren’t going to be thinking anything of the sort in a moment. I know that you can feel pain…”

“Light-kun, this reflects very badly on you, you know.”

“I don’t care what you think, Ryuzaki.”

“Of course you don’t.” L looked intently up at the ceiling again as he felt Light pull down his shorts. God only knew what the psychotic teenager was going to do down there, especially when he was so hell-bent on murdering him, and the detective flinched in anticipation.

The moments of stillness and silence that followed were as brittle and suspended as blown glass; as though L’s internal furious orders of “Get away from me!” were actually doing something to push Light away.

But then the moment broke like a bubble on sharp, dry air; and Light lowered himself downwards towards his captive, beginning to take him into his sinful mouth. L gave a sudden breathless gasp as he did so, torn utterly in half. One part of him was riled with disgust and mortification at Light’s actions, furious that he would dare to do this, and also nervous, because this was Kira, and L didn’t trust Kira not to suddenly bite him. It was actually something he was expecting, since Light had emphasized that L did indeed feel pain, and had sworn to make him scream.

But that aside, the other part of the detective was already beginning to surrender to his own body, because already the actions of Light’s tongue were bringing the blood rushing forth and building a delightful pressure in him; because, if nothing else, this was still Light Yagami, and L had loved him once.

Ultimately, he didn’t want Light to be doing this; but he didn’t really want him to stop either. All he could do was endure, biting his lip as he continued to look at the ceiling as though he truly found it more interesting than the sight of Light’s auburn hair brushing across his own milky-pale stomach.

He did jump when Light actually started to use his teeth, because he simply didn’t trust him; but it was nothing cruel, instead a gentle scraping that reached a point where L in fact arched his back up off the bed. Light looked up as the action caused a severe series of popping sounds from where L actually corrected his otherwise-horrendous posture for just a moment; he withdrew just as the detective sank back onto the bedclothes.

“That’s disgusting,” he said flatly. “Is your reasoning ability worth that horrible position?”

“I believe so,” L replied breathlessly. “I can conclude that… this method of yours, solely to win… is not like you.”

“It’s not like me to do this?”

“No, I don’t… think so.”

Light smirked.

“Maybe you’re right, Ryuzaki.” He leaned upwards and kissed him a third time, although thrice it was not one that sought a reply. “I’m probably not acting like Kira right now; I’m being far too kind to you to constitute any belief you may have that I am in fact Kira. In fact, I’m acting rather more like Light Yagami, wouldn’t you say…?”

“Yes, I think that might be my problem,” L agreed tonelessly, trying to twist away from Light’s touch as he began to stroke him. He was able to move his legs a little more now that Light had lifted his weight upwards, but there still wasn’t enough room to throw the teenager off him completely.

“Well, since you seem so set on the belief that I’m not Light Yagami, but solely Kira, I would so hate to disappoint you,” Light hissed. “I suppose I’ll just have to stop this show of being nice to you.”

“Yes, I suppose,” L agreed dully, feeling Light’s fingers leave him completely. “Do what you will.”

Light suddenly grabbed the front of L’s shirt, hauling him upright as far as the chain would allow.

“This is going to hurt, you know,” he spat.

“I expect it will.”

“And I’m going to make you scream.”

L blinked slowly at him.

“I doubt that.”

“You live to piss me off, Ryuzaki,” Light muttered blackly, throwing him back to the mattress. He slid off L’s legs completely, already beginning to work at unbuckling his own belt; immediately L kicked at him, but Light had expected that he would, and was ready to catch his calves and hold them tightly.

“No matter your words,” Light hissed delightedly, “and your vows that you won’t give me the satisfaction of hearing you scream, I think you are afraid, Ryuzaki, because you have just aptly proven that you will retaliate if given a chance.”

“If I wanted you to rape me, Light-kun, then it wouldn’t be rape.”

“That’s very true, but it doesn’t mean a thing. You’re still at my mercy.”

Still awkwardly holding L’s legs, Light managed to loosen his belt and unzip himself; he knew he was in a perfect position to be kicked completely off the bed were L to free his legs up, and so worked as quickly as he could.

And as for L… Half of him was seethingly furious that this spoilt brat was really going to do this to him, for the simple fact that he could not bear to lose; and the other half was becoming sickly afraid, because who in their right mind wouldn’t be afraid of this? It would hurt anyway, but Light was going to hurt him on purpose, he knew he was, and it was only human nature to want to avoid pain and suffering.

L was human, even if Light seemed to need to do this to convince himself.

But now, all L could do was endure; and defy Light to the last.

He took a very deep breath as Light hauled his legs apart, still holding them tightly; and braced himself, closing his eyes and turning away. It was his last chance to beg for mercy; but L wasn’t going to beg Kira for anything, and what good would it do even so?

This was how it had to be; or so the detective had concluded, anyway.

Although, incidentally, all the bracing himself in the world could never have prepared him for what had happened; his eyes snapped open, and he gave a half-stifled cry that he somehow managed to silence before it turned into the very thing he had vowed Light would never hear.

L’s breath came in tiny ripping gasps as Light paused to catch his own; it was, at present, actually uncomfortable for both of them. Though, Light smiled at the sound of L’s shallow gasping, brushing a little of his auburn hair aside before adjusting his grip on the detective’s legs; Light’s elbows were locked under his bent knees to keep him still.

“Does it hurt?” Light whispered maliciously.

“Yes,” L replied softly, since there was nothing to gain from lying.

“Good,” said Light; and thrust himself the rest of the way in, igniting a fire of pain that took root at the bottom of L’s spine and seared upwards throughout the rest of his shaking body. He bit his lip against the scream that welled in him like an eruption, so hard that his teeth brought blood, and Light watched in amusement to see the glint of it on his starkly white face.

The room was silent again but for their simultaneous ragged breathing, and the clink and rattle of the chain as L quivered, perhaps against his will, beneath the younger man.

“This is what you get,” Light panted. “This is what you… this is your punishment, for standing against me, L…”

L only nodded faintly; was it wrong to think himself too weak to endure this when his vision was beginning to blotch with black, or when he felt physically sick with the pain Light was inflicting on him? He could feel heat blazing beneath his too-pale skin, the dizzy pleasure of before washed over by the tidal wave of hot, tight agony that Light had promised him.

So this was punishment for the defying of the will of a self-proclaimed ‘god’; and, ironically, it felt like Hell.

He grit his teeth as Light started to thrust in further still, and squeezed his eyes shut against hot salt that was bid not by self-pity, but by anger and agony. Light’s hands moved to his hips to hold him still, his elbows still jammed under his knees to restrict him and bind him and let him know he wasn’t escaping Kira’s Righteous Judgment.

Light’s piercing eyes never left the detective as he began to build up his rhythm, watching his usually expressionless face twist in real pain, and maybe fear too; there was blood on his lip from where he’d bitten himself and a sheen of sweat on his chalk-like skin. Light had never seen L like this, never seen him this panicked and frightened and tortured, never seen him this human; and he suspected that nobody else ever had either. That was part of L’s enigma, after all – the ability to seem completely above all human thought and influence.

It was another look Light decided he rather liked on the arrogant bastard.

“You don’t look so good,” Light hissed between sharply-precisioned thrusts. “I’ll make a deal with you. Say that I’m Justice, and I’ll stop.”

L clenched his fists and shook his head.

Light’s eyes narrowed.

“Are you insane?” He hissed lethally. “Haven’t you learned your lesson? You’re not the one in control here…!”

“I won’t… bow to you!” L groaned through gritted teeth.

Light slammed himself to the detective as hard as he possibly could; making him utter a sharp cry, but still, true to his word, it wasn’t a scream.

“Say it!” Light ordered furiously.

“No!”

“God damn it, Ryuzaki…!”

Light let go of his legs, reaching upwards towards his hair and grasping handfuls of black spikes; even with his legs freed, L was in no position to kick Light away.

“Stop defying me!” The crazed look that suddenly flashed in Light’s eyes surprised L, even through his pain; because Light was never this quick to lose his temper. “You think yourself above me, but you’re wrong! I am Kira, I am God, I am Justice, and you will know that, L! You will bow to that!”

L didn’t say a thing; no, this was the beginning of victory. Light had lost control of this situation – he might still be the one violating the other, the one with the power to kill the other, but the flash of insanity in his clear brown eyes had been enough to tell the detective that Light Yagami – Kira – had lost.

Perhaps L was in no real position to elect himself the one in control; but at least he knew what was happening here.

Light leaned back, releasing L’s ebony hair; the flush on his face and the raggedness of his breath served only as evidence against him.

“Scream, Ryuzaki,” he muttered, more to himself as he quickened up his pace. “I beg you, Ryuzaki, stop defying me… scream, just…”

The sharp speed of it made L want to scream, but now that Light had demanded, and now that he had begged…

He grit his teeth and tasted copper and didn’t make a sound.

Light gave a few more jerking thrusts as L hissed in discomfort, praying that Light would pull away from him; but the teenager remained there for a while, looking glazedly down at his violated captive.

“I knew you were a fool,” he said softly after a long, breathless pause; “but Ryuzaki, I thought…”

Light sighed as he completely pulled away from L, and scowled deeply in fused irritation and disappointment.

Slowly he pulled up his own shorts and black trousers and re-buckled his belt; and then, as L struggled to get his breath back, did the same for him, even going so far as to neatly do the button of his jeans back up.

“Thank you, Light-kun,” L said flatly, his breath still hitching a little.

“Don’t mock me,” Light hissed back. “I know you don’t mean it, and I suppose there is no reason why you would.”

He shifted his weight off L completely, kneeling on the sheets; he paid no attention to the way L immediately curled his legs up – although he probably should have, in retrospect, since the next thing he knew, L had kicked him onto the floor.

“Ryuzaki-!” Light raged, hauling himself back up again.

“Once is once, Light-kun.”

Their eyes met as Light got to his feet again, locking together in the same way they had countless times before; across the examination room, across the tennis court, across the table of a dozen cafes, set with tea and cake and sugar cubes, and sheets of facts and figures with which L drew closer and closer to him, gradually cornering him-

Light averted his gaze; anywhere, anything other than L, ungodly creature that he was…

His gaze settled on his watch. It was almost midnight, and that meant that this ridiculous game had gone on for far longer than Light had ever wanted it to.

He went to the chair he had been sitting in earlier and retrieved the true murder weapon; a simple long-bladed knife, with a glint to its edge like that present in the eye of a predatory beast.

He saw the uncertain fear flicker once again in L’s ebony eyes as he approached the bed; because playtime was clearly over now, and the both of them knew it all too well.

“I guess this is goodbye then, Light-kun,” L breathed.

“Yes,” Light replied stiffly. “I’m afraid so.”

He had expected a struggle to straddle L a second time, especially since he had been successful in kicking him away only moments before; but L in fact allowed him to sit on his stomach. He seemed eerily prepared for this; even though he had just been very cruelly raped by this same teenaged quasi-god, and even though it was obvious that he was about to die.

Light raised the knife above his head; he hadn’t aimed directly and didn’t know where it was going to sink into the detective.

“Ryuzaki,” he said quietly, “I want you to know… that I’m not sorry I raped you.”

“I didn’t expect you to be. You are Kira, after all, and I am L. We are not supposed to sympathize with each other.”

Light barely tilted his head in a nod, then added, softer still;

“But I do love you.”

L offered him a bland smile.

“I don’t love you, Light-kun. Not anymore.”

“Then that makes us… equal.”

L shook his head.

“I have no interest in being equal to you, Kira. Only one of us can win.”

Light smiled crookedly.

“Of course, but…” His smirk faded slightly. “…You seem so calm about this. So content – how can you be, knowing that you are about to lose?”

“Because I haven’t lost, Light-kun. This is merely sacrifice.”

Light gripped the knife together in hands that were beginning to become slick with sweat; and his gaze pierced L one final, pleading time.

“Ryuzaki… Don’t defy me again. Scream.”

“No,” said L.

And he didn’t.

Neither of them really registered the knife going down; blood hit Light in the face and began to soak through L’s top in storm clouds, and only then did either of them realize that it had gone into L just beneath his ribcage. Light let go of the hilt and they both stared at it for a moment in silence.

Light’s watch started to beep and, in almost unison, the same church bells from that afternoon began to strike midnight, sounding from somewhere far beyond the window of the thirteenth floor’s only room.

“The bells,” L whispered faintly. “I thought they… seemed louder today…”

“R-Ryuzaki!” As though it had suddenly dawned on him just what he had done, Light grasped the knife and pulled it back out of the fatally wounded man. He threw it aside and grasped L by his shoulders. “No, don’t you… d-don’t you dare die on me…!”

L still had the strength to shoot Light an amused glance.

“Don’t you think… it’s a bit late for second thoughts, Light-kun…?”

“No!” Light wailed, plunging a hand into his pocket and extracting the key to the handcuffs; with trembling fingers, he freed L as quickly as he was able, grasping him to his own body as soon as he was loose. “This isn’t right, Ryuzaki, I never meant… this wasn’t supposed to happen, not like this! Don’t you see that…?!”

“No, Light-kun…” L grimaced in Light’s clutches. “This seems… correct to me. You were planning… to kill me, after all…”

“No, this is all wrong!” Light insisted, his eyes wild and desperate. “I didn’t… Rem was… the Death Note, I…”

“Does it… really matter?”

“Yes!” Light wrapped his arms around the dying detective. “I didn’t want this for you, I wanted… I thought she… I thought she’d give you ‘Suicide’, I thought… I wanted you to choose for yourself, I never wanted anyone else to lay a hand on you…!”

“And yet, your own actions, just now…”

“Maybe we can still get you help,” Light said desperately, ignoring L’s last statement. “Maybe we can… I’ll go and find someone…!”

“No, Light-kun,” L breathed, clutching at Light’s shirt. “This is correct. This is sacrifice, as I said…”

“What do you mean?”

L offered him a small smile.

“Do you mind if I… confess something?”

Light speechlessly shook his head; and L nodded upwards at the mirror above the bed. Light looked up; and gave a stifled gasp of horror to see Rem reflected in it. Turning sharply, Light found her at the end of the room; her body crumbling away to lifeless sand even as he watched.

“Rem!” He screeched. “What the hell have you done…?!”

“Saved Misa Amane,” was Rem’s faint, scratched reply. “She is safe. I forced her to give up her memories again, including all the ones she has of you, Light Yagami…”

“You believed the Shinigami was on your side, Light-kun,” L said softly as Light stared at Rem in speechless horror. “Or, at least… you believed you could manipulate her. You were wrong.”

“I don’t… I don’t understand,” Light said hollowly, shaking uncontrollably.

“You don’t need to,” L replied as, with a quiet sigh, the last of Rem turned to ash and dust and sand. “Together, though we did not… intend to work together, Rem-san and I… have defeated Kira. We have both lost our… lives in the process, but it does not matter.”

“And just how do you see that?!” Light snapped. “I’m not the one bleeding to death here! How have you defeated me?”

“I do not know the details… of what the Shinigami wrote in the notebook,” L explained, his voice dipping fainter and fainter, “but I presume that you were controlled… to confess all the incriminations against you to me… before murdering me in a physical sense rather than through your Death Note.”

“What does that matter?” Light sneered down at him. “You’ll soon be dead. Who can you tell? In fact, Rem may have actually done me a favor. If Misa’s lost her memory, then I’m in no danger of her ever slipping up and getting us both found out.”

“That is true,” L panted, “but you forget, Light-kun… and I suspect this has something to do with the fact… that you were controlled in your actions by the Shinigami’s notebook… This entire building is installed wall to wall with security and recording equipment. Everything you have said and done in this room tonight… has been recorded and backed up several times over. You have confessed… your guilt, in effect, to the entire investigation team. They’ll view the tapes in the morning.”

Light simply stared at him. The ever-turning gears of his mind shuddered to a stop.

“L,” he said finally, his voice utterly toneless, “you have absolutely no boundaries.”

L smiled faintly, his eyes sliding closed.

“I will take that as a compliment… from you, Light-kun. Although… at my own sacrifice, I have done you… a favor…”

“What you’ve done, the lengths you’ve gone to…” Light stared at him incredulously, ignoring his talk of favors. “It’s absolutely hideous.”

“That is very hypocritical of Kira to say, but… nevertheless,” L said, his voice so soft now that Light could barely hear him, “I must disagree with you. This is not hideous, or evil, or even defiance.”

He opened his eyes a little, reaching for Light’s arm with a final twitch of a smirk.

“This, Light Yagami… this is… Justice.”

His eyes closed again and he became very still; eventually Light felt him breathe his last, becoming a limp weight in his arms, and laid him back onto the mattress. Almost the entirety of his white top was stained crimson, and so was much of Light’s own shirt; he checked his watch and read 00:05am.

Numbly, Light got off the bed and crossed the floor to the pile of sand that had once been the insufferably over-protective Rem, plucking her notebook from it and shaking it off. He flipped through it to the last written-in page to find out exactly what the Shinigami had written.

L Lawliet
00:05am
Drugged, raped and stabbed by Light Yagami

Light almost dropped the notebook in revulsion; of course, he had deliberately engineered the situation so that Rem would have no choice other than to kill L, but he hadn’t ever expected her to be so sickeningly specific… He had expected L to simply fall off his chair from a heart attack; or he himself perhaps be greeted tomorrow morning with the tragic news that L had jumped out of the window late the previous night.

Never in a million years had he ever expected this. Shinigami, it seemed, could be horrifically vindictive.

“L Lawliet, huh?” He mused aloud to himself, feeling sick to his stomach despite his breezy tone. His head felt light and empty, save for a dull pressure of realization.

There was no way out for him; that was why L hadn’t minded. Because of those security tapes, he would be arrested and put to death as Kira. Even if he managed to find and destroy the tapes, Light doubted he could hide the forensic evidence and his own guilt so easily.

That was why the bastard hadn’t minded at all.

He flipped back a page absently; and his blood froze in his veins.

He looked across at the bed and didn’t know whether he should laugh or cry; thank the dead detective or curse him for his defiance once again.

---

Matsuda had to leave the room and a disturbed, horrified look twisted Chief Soichiro Yagami’s face; one that would probably haunt his features for the rest of his life.

The tapes had been more than enough; but to walk into the only room on the thirteenth floor and find not only L’s cold body, but also that of Light Yagami, his wrists cut to ribbons with the same knife that had taken the life of the detective…

And to find the Death Note open on the last but one page, all but drenched in Light’s spilt blood; and find that it said;

Light Yagami
00:30am
Confesses to L everything concerning his role as Kira before committing suicide

And, ultimately, to find that the writing was very familiar; not because it was Rem’s, and not because it was Light’s own, but because it was L’s.

Against his own belief that Kira should be punished accordingly by Japanese state law, L had forced Light to take his own life, sparing him the execution he had always said Kira deserved.

Was that justice… or love?

Or perhaps it was simply defiance to the very end.

--- END ---

yay! nice? nice? neh? its nice neh??? =333333

yay yaoi *drools* >///>

Mirror, mirror on the wall;
Who is the fairest of them all?
Who shall be the one to fall;
Who shall answer Satan’s call?
Mirror, mirror show me true,
I pray you crack before I do.
- regie satans! ave satans! hail satan! - 4:58 PM

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