Saturday, June 20, 2009 ... not again. :

Shit. Its happening again.

Why. Why. What the fuck did I do wrong? Nothing. I didn't do anything. Why. Screw this shit.

Voices. I hear them again. My mind is gonna burst. Too much. Its all too much. Stop talking. All of you. Just shut it. Shut the fuck up and leave me alone. Why did you all unfuse again? Why. Damn it. I thought we made a vow.

Now its back to this mixed up time once again. I don't know what happened this morning. I don't know anything. Its pitch black. Why. Why did this happen? What the fuck did I do wrong?

Not again.

Not again.

Please tell me this ain't happening. Please.......

Stop.

Just stop. It hurts. My mind is going on overdrive. My heart feels numb all over again.

You liar. You said you would take away the pain. Not everything else. Now I feel so numb. So numb... There ain't nothing left inside of me. Feelings...? You took em all away. Screw you.

But fuck it hurts...

I don't get it. Why am I like this? Why. I thought we were fused.

Blood. I need blood.

Whose? ...

I don't know... I don't know anything. Stop asking me questions. Stop. Just stop dammit. I can't take it anymore. I want to die. Let me die. Please let me die.

But...

I wouldn't dare.

Nor would I want to.

I thought I've already found a goal? I thought I had sworn to work towards that goal. But now, don't you think it's all meaningless?

Why.

It doesn't hurt so much now. Or is it just me? Is my heart dead? I think it is. Its been long gone. I'm guessing... you took it away and replaced it with a fake one instead.

Screw you all, you guys suck.

Damn it all. Why has it come down to this again? Why is it happening again? I don't want it to. Please stop. Stop this insanity. I want it all to end. I'm begging you all. Just stop. Stop for our sake. Or don't you all care anymore? Aren't we one whole? Aren't we together in this?

No...?

I don't know. I don't know anymore. I'm confused. I want this all to end. Shall I die? Isn't it less painful that way? Torture. Stop the torture.

I pretend that I'm alright. I pretend that I'm happy. But I'm not. These emotions, they're all fake.

You took em all away. Its your fault.

Yes, I laugh, I smile. But damn it, it doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel real.

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't fuckin know. Stop asking me questions. Just go away. Leave me alone. I need to be alone. I need to think. I need to listen. I need to speak. I need to die. Death is the best possible solution. I need to die. I want to die.

Fucking hell. Screw your god. Screw jesus christ. Stop shoving your ideas to others. Stop forcing people to believe. Stop your stupid nonsense of how we should live. Stop trying to controll us, cuz bloody hell, you sure as fuck can't convert us all. And hell, I don't believe. I don't fuckin believe all your crap.

Look at where the shit got us to. You still want us to believe you? Damn you. Acting all high and mighty. Like you are better than us. Well, fuck, you're not.

No...

Why...

I didn't want it to be this way. I didn't want it like this. No. No.... Please stop this insanity.

I want to live as a normal human being. I didn't want to realise all this. I wanted happiness. But you took em all away.

I've never felt so cold before...

So numb. Nothing else exists in my world except darkness. Loneliness. Nothingness. Why can't you see that? You can't help me. Don't act like you can. You can't save me. Its over. Its all over. Its been decided from the start. Liar. You stupid liar.

Why wasn't I oblivious to the facts? Why did I see past it all? I didn't want to believe. I didn't want to. Really. I wanted to hide behind lies. All those filthy, stupid lies.

I'm sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

But you shouldn't feel sorry for us all. You're one of us after all.

But still, I'm sorry.

Its not your fault. Really.

... Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.
- regie satans! ave satans! hail satan! - 3:19 AM

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